Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
