just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
