Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
