Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
