Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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