Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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