he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
