I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
