sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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