Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
