the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
