the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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