At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
