I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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