So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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