I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
