hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
