So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
