she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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