Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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