I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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