youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the raccoons are back...
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