But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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