i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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