I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
