sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This house was built for laser tag.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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