apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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