i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
