barbara walters just said penis...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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