I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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