Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
