Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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