She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
