are you still at the devil's house?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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