If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize