The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
