I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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