i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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