Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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