apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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