you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish life had little blips of pornography
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
