Just cropdusted the office
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
