You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
