I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
