last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
