OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
