I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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