toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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