where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
