You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
