been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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