Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize