Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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