At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
