Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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