I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
