She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
