My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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