These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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