nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
