i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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