in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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