she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My vagina just clenched in fear
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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